Sleep, then, like a hammer among the orbiting dead.

2009-07-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

Woodstock Farm Sanctuary, hiking, Cape Cod, bike rides, camping, tattoos, Boston days, tubing on the Farmington River, beach weekends, cookouts, making dinner for friends, thoughtful dates, reading, rock climbing, perfecting my frisbee throw, kite flying, beach bonfires, camping.

Summer 2009. Learning to let go. Learning to give in.

2009-06-19T09:00:00.001-07:00

2009-06-16T01:33:00.001-07:00

I love you all. Thank you so much. I have truly been humbled here. This won't be the end.

2009-06-15T18:09:00.001-07:00

I was walking down Anacapa when I saw this little girl with her brother walking down the street. I don't know where she had come from or what she had been doing before I saw her, but I knew that I had to get her picture. It was a little awkward, but I finally did it. I was able to take my first random portrait on the street. I think it came out really well. It was odd but sort of exciting to see this girl bounce along the streets of Santa Barbara in a really pretty white dress.

My life has been much of those three adjectives lately. Unexpected, odd, exciting.

2009-06-14T09:29:00.001-07:00

2009-06-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

2009-06-14T09:22:00.001-07:00

2009-06-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

2009-05-28T22:01:00.001-07:00

I'm learning.

2009-05-20T19:47:00.001-07:00

Meg and Dia for free with Jay Haas and Dan.

2009-05-20T19:43:00.001-07:00

2009-05-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

The Slapshot cover of Minor Threat's "Straight Edge" is amazing. Thank you, Pandora.

2009-05-20T18:45:00.001-07:00

2009-05-08T18:00:00.000-07:00

"Love reinvents need with unique speed. My impatience with the Customs ritual indicated that Chloe, whom I had not known existed a few hours ago, had already acquired the status of a craving. I felt I would die if I missed her outside - die for the sake of someone who only entered my life at eleven-thirty that morning." - Alain de Botton

2009-05-06T17:20:00.000-07:00

Santa Barbara fires - Day 2. Scary!

2009-05-02T22:04:00.001-07:00

I'm still timid in asking people to take their photo. There were so many faces, so many colors that I wish I could have caught today and experienced through my lens. The old, almost drawn looking lines plowing through the cheeks and foreheads of so many elders; their eyes deep, ever-filling wells with knowledge of life that they have experienced. The young, small, effortless children - running through the grass, dancing, wrapping their little arms around their parent's necks. Reds, pinks, oranges, purples, blues - all my favorite colors.

There is something to be said about portrait photography. More than ever, I often find myself thumbing through the pages at any bookstore within the Photography section of portrait. These quick, half of a seconds in time hold a certain amount of truth, honesty, reality - any shred of these three things that we can hold on to or observe in this modern world is worth reaching out for and at the very least - being held in awe of it.

I'm getting back into reading every day again. I got a handful of new books today. The gears are turning at full steam again. This coming Saturday, I am doing my first hike with the Sierra Club. I'm in the midst of planning out a backpacking trip. I have constant daydreams regarding the forests up North and the pictures I've seen of Yosemite and Death Valley to the East. These are places I want to be. The wilderness and the daring beauty is something I'm trying to dive into deeper, to become immersed. I'm almost there.

2009-04-24T19:29:00.001-07:00

If the fall into love happened so rapidly, it is perhaps because the wish to love has preceded the beloved - the need has invented its solution. The appearance of the beloved is only the second stage of a prior [but largely unconscious] need to love someone - our hunger for love moulding their features, our desire crystallizing around them. [But the honest side of us will never let the deception go unchallenged. There will always be moments when we will doubt whether our lover exists in reality or as we imagine them in our minds - or whatever they are not just a hallucination we have invented to prevent the inevitable loveless collapse.]

‘Essays in love’ - Allan de Botton

2009-04-18T19:50:00.001-07:00

October 16th..

2009-04-18T19:42:00.001-07:00

Goleta Railroad Museum and natural reserve.

2009-04-18T19:36:00.001-07:00

Redwood trees @ the Botanical Garden.

2009-04-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

Lynn, Dan, and I had an adventure the other weekend in Santa Barbara. Lynn bought a new car (Toyota Yaris!) and drove up here to spend the night/next day. Of course it was a lot of fun, one of the most relaxing days in a really long time.

Where The Wild Things Are.

2009-03-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

It's been Where The Wild Things Are mania for me for the past two years, ever since I heard the movie was in the works with Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers. The first full length three minute trailer will be attached to Monsters VS Aliens, the new Pixar film coming out on the 27th. The only words spoken are by one of the Wild Things, Carol, where he says - "I didn't want to wake you up. But I really want to show you something." Sendack had long told Jonze that whatever he do, make the movie "a personal story" and I think Jonze did just that. Here are some brand new stills that were released through USA Today this morning. SO excited! October 16th!

(my favorite)

Dreary Harbor Morning.

2009-02-25T17:53:00.003-08:00

Dan and Lynn's Adventure to Santa Barbara w/ Jenn

2009-02-25T17:43:00.001-08:00

Animal Acres, 01.20.09

2009-02-25T17:33:00.000-08:00

2009-02-01T11:50:00.000-08:00

I'm growing increasingly more intrigued by Barack Obama's presidency. The subjects and the incidents that he has touched on so far in his first few weeks are impressive and I am anxious to see how the next four years pan out for not only the United States, but all the countries abroad. Our military spending is still growing, the budget allotted for security purposes is still astonishing, and there is talks already of more troops being deployed to Afghanistan yet again. Not to mention how utterly incapable the U.S economy is functioning right now - the rise of homelessness, unemployment, mass poverty is still pointing fingers at the morals behind capitalism. Slowly but surely, I hope, the mask of this system will slowly deteriorate and people will gain more insight on how truly unfair this fucking vicious style of democracy is to everyone. I'd like to write more later on this (really, I mean it this time). I've been actively reading the bcc.com "100 Days of Obama" blog being updated daily by different reuters and journalists.

I'll update soon with pictures from my birthday at Animal Acres in Acton with Kayla.

2009-01-17T23:45:00.001-08:00

-- 22 on Tuesday.
-- too many thoughts. will write them down soon.
-- more and more introverted every day.
-- don't call me, just text me.
-- iTunes radio, jazz, dimensions in jazz, listen. new awakening.
-- can't stop thinking about "jules et jim" and "two english girls" by truffaut.
-- getting restless again, it's starting to wear on me. where to next?
-- broke. in need of $$$. send help.

2009-01-13T21:20:00.001-08:00

WE HAVE THE INTERNET AT MY HOUSE!!

2009-01-08T13:36:00.001-08:00

Thoughts to explore more on later:

- This is a crippling fucking system, no other way around it. If there is the slightest bit of conscience in someone's head, there shouldn't be any possibility that any of this is "working". It isn't working. It isn't. Watch Bill Hicks - marketing on YouTube, dead on.

- I lost my wallet again. Second time in three months. Sucks!

- Moving abroad? Possibility.

2009-01-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

So, I realize I haven't updated in months. I've moved since then, and don't have internet at the place I'm currently residing at so it makes it tough to update as often as I did before. However, I plan on trying to write as often as possible again and get this back to the way it was.

Today is the first day of 2009. It doesn't feel any different, seriously. However, I digress - 2008 saw a lot of changes. I'm living in California now, my circle friends has grown infinitely smaller, and I'm working for a company I swore I would never work for (though it's working out for the best). I'm in a really great and mostly healthy relationship for once that has proven to work itself out to be really great and uplifting. I marked myself forever with getting my right hand tattooed by Jon Hall in LA. Next up is my left hand by Nick. Regardless, things always change - one of the only truths we really know in this life. My birthday is in 19 days, now I'll be 22 years old.

I have never been one to make resolutions or treat the new year as a celebration, but this year, I decided it would be appropriate to make a list of resolutions for 2009 and I'll share them here:

New Years Resolutions:
- run/exercise more, at least three times a week
- sharpen that vegan edge
- get passport, visit Mexico
- write letters to friends back home
- eat much healthier
- clean out closet + donate to the free box
- stop stealing unless neccessary
- read two books a month and write on them
- take one photo a day, and post on blog
- save $$$
- take one big trip a year with Kayla
- plan trip to Spain or Greece
- stop taking anything for granted
- get left hand tattooed by nick
- expand musical likeness - specifically classical and old jazz
- figure out next fall's semester by February
- enjoy Santa Barbara more, go hiking once a month
- leave Bank of America and join credit union
- save money for Mac, bike, and car

It's a pretty long list, but I'd like to come back to this entry in a year and see what has been done.

While flying back home, I made this list in my moleskin on the "Must-Have Airline Flying Kit".

For all my international/traveling friends:

- ear plugs, nice ones (for the noise while you're trying to sleep)
- tylenol/motrin (for those headaches that just seem to pop up)
- iPod
- hand sanitizer (preferably lavender)
- orbit gum (wintermint)
- moleskin
- water
- almonds
- nice pens (no bics, no "ultra grips")
- light jacket (not a ton of layers)
- cologne/atomizer
- exfoliating face wash (getting off those long flights, you need a quick energizer)

EDIT: Eh, my car got fixed. Dalan is still my boy. I felt no need to keep my venting on a situation that was solved on here any longer.

I will update later today with pictures, not necessarily taken today. I have a bunch on my card that I need to upload. Starting tomorrow, I will update with a new picture taken every day. I got a new lens from my parents for Christmas, so I will show pictures of that and some other gifts I received later on.

2008-11-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I've felt like this. I can't even begin to articulate how elated I feel or how honest this is. I feel like a little boy again, not even thinking about the cautions that are awaiting with every new step or hiding in the shadows - just going. I guess I'm being careless, being reckless with my heart.. but what else is there to do? I'm looking forward to this and the future and what is awaiting Kayla and I.

Driving downtown tonight to get her some flowers at the farmer's market, I rolled my window down partially and the cool, crisp California winter air brushed through my hair and filled my car. The street lights and the stars and the giant moon and the water and all the people - I couldn't help but smile and think about how odd it truly is that I fell into this. Now I wouldn't expect it to go any other way. Being able to wake up next to her every morning, placing small kisses in discreet spots on her face, trying to keep each other warm, and slowly shifting positions with each other at night.. all these are things that I look forward to and cherish more and more every day.

No more skeletons in my closet, no more holding back. I feel good. One day, I'll be able to say all that I feel. For now, scribbles in the notebook that sits in my back pocket is enough. Making lists of things that make me think about you, lists of places I want to see with you, lists of dinners I want to make with you, newer heights that I want to see with you.. I guess those will do for now.

Los Angeles, her birthday, Thanksgiving in Santa Ynez, Christmas on the East Coast, New Years, Disneyland/my birthday, Valentine's Day, Greece, working at my tattoo shop, $2000 carriage..

In an infinite universe, it's odd that I'm here with you.

2008-10-31T14:45:00.000-07:00

"Go easy. Be moderate and patient."

Falling.

2008-10-28T00:19:00.002-07:00

The hurt that comes from being disappointed never lessens; it gets greater with every tumble and rattles in every hidden corner of a newly broken heart. I forgot how dizzying this is. Maybe for the better.

2008-10-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

Tuesday December 16th:
Leave LAX @ 7:10am
layover in Cincinnati for 45 minutes
arrive at Bradley International @ 4:55pm.

Tuesday December 30th:
Leave Bradley International at 12:35pm
layover in Atlanta for 2 hours
arrive at LAX @ 7:34pm.

via Delta Airlines.

start planning the party now!

2008-10-26T09:52:00.001-07:00

I had a date on Thursday and made dinner for Kayla. The menu included a yellow coconut curry with basmati rice, potatoes, carrots, celery, bell peppers, mushrooms, fresh basil, ground cumin and other assorted spices for the main dish, peanut butter fork criss-cross cookies for dessert, and Virgil's root beer for a drink. It tasted pretty okay; not great, but it was pretty good. It was my first time attempting to cook a yellow curry with coconut milk on my own. Next time, I'm going to add another 14oz can of coconut milk. Regardless, it was a really good night. I wish I had taken more pictures. I've been having so much fun with her lately, it feels really good. Fingers crossed, in the next few days, I'll have pictures of us carving pumpkins up.

After this picture was taken, of course I ended up going through an outfit change. Instead of the white button up, I put on the black oxford button up from work. I was wearing Luc's zine tshirt underneath it; always good luck. Miss you, luc!

Kayla bought me this really adorable porcelain figure from the art museum store before I had even pointed out to her that I really liked it! Her name is Frida. Today, there's a little Dia de los Muertos art exhibit at the museum that we're going to. And then on November 2nd, there are going to be so many little celebrations around Santa Barbara. I can't wait to take pictures and walk around. ///
I miss my friends back home a lot. I can't wait to go home for two weeks and hug my family again too.

///
We're reading Oedipus The King in my class this week. Arguably my favorite play, if not one of my utmost favorite pieces of literature altogether. Sophocles was way before his time, allowing for the concepts of truth, consciousness, and fate to be closely weaved through every line that he wrote. Every time I read that play, I get chills.

///
I have to get my hands touched up already. I'm going to message Jon Hall in LA soon about doing the top of my right hand. I want to get that done before coming home in December. Going from paying $700/month to $350/month is going to be the worst thing for me since I'll have so much extra money to spend on getting tattooed again. Oh well! One life, one chance.

///
Never going back to Macy's again. At least not in the Ventura Mall. If you know me, then you'll know why. My perfect streak came to an end.

2008-10-20T10:09:00.001-07:00

Pure Luck Cafe in Los Angeles, sweet potato fries burrito, San Juan Capistrano, vegan blueberry scones, Mother's market, new friends, puppies, falling out of trees, Verse in Anaheim.

Lastly, I will back Sean no matter what. Always. I love that kid and he has always served as a beacon of inspiration amidst a sea of shitheads throughout hardcore, and my life. He has always been a good friend with a great head on his shoulders and a critical mind. It's funny how things like this work, the end of the world to some people and a new consciousness arises for others. Having this happen, and seeing things put into action and words being spoken, it really puts it into perspective how people choose to view other people for their decisions, their personal choices, and their lives. Straightedge was never about making sure everyone around you stays that way through intimidation and social pressure; that is completely contradictory to any sort of 'radical' beliefs. Being straightedge is purely a personal choice that only you can say is good for your life. The benefits of living a drug free lifestyle are clear and obvious, there's no denying that - but because someone chooses not to recognize those as a choice for themselves, you cannot slight them at all.

There are things that happen deeper than blaming civilization for giving us addiction, for the mainstream social pressure of consuming drugs and substances, and even just the idea that someone is willing to walk away from being straightedge. It's commendable for someone to walk away, simply bow out, after realizing that straightedge isn't for them anymore - that sort of lifestyle can drain some people dry instead of give hope and deeper aspirations. There is no doubt that living against the grain of modern society is hard; it is defeating often and really can leave you feeling alone and in utter solitude. It takes immense personal strength, perseverance, and determination. There are days when you feel like you are absolutely alone and the only one who feels that way - THAT is alienation in its purest form. It IS a struggle to be vegan straightedge; to be an anarchist, a radical, etc.

Anyway - much in the case of Sean, I can assume, an unconscious decision happened where not just one instance can be targeted as a reason why. There is more to it, and as an outsider, there is no telling what the other thoughts and motivations are beyond speculation, positive or negative. Regardless - there are no making excuses or hypothesizing or whatever. Don't base your friendships solely off the fact that someone else is vegan, straightedge, radical, gay, straight, trans, a drug addict, anything; base a friendship off how kind the person is, what you can learn from them, and trust. Labels are superficial and only serve to do just that - label a certain lifestyle or music or anything. Strip away 'straight', 'edge', 'xxx', 'drug', 'free' and you'll still get the same thing - a commitment to yourself to live a life devoid of drug use in any form to have a clear and focused mind. Having a friend change their mind on living their lives with that sort of mentality isn't a time where you turn your back and leave them behind, embrace them and be there for them.

I don't ever want to put a friend through that feeling of guilt that they have decided to change their lifestyle to something different than they had believed in before. Change is one of the only truths in this world. If someone changes their mind around you, that means they are only human. Straightedge and living that sort of lifestyle is something that I personally have committed to, am proud about, and plan on being for the rest of my life. Of course I don't want to see substances ruin someone close to me and I will always be outspoken about addiction and the use of all drugs. Being straightedge is my choice, but I don't expect anyone else to follow in the same footsteps.

Being vegan is another story... hahaha.

2008-10-17T21:48:00.001-07:00

2008-10-10T19:27:00.000-07:00

I brought Dan back to LAX early this morning. I was so bummed to see him leave to go back to Connecticut. It was awesome to spend an entire week with my best friend again, and just rage like we used to almost every single day when I was back home. I had so much fun with him this week and was really glad he came out here. After this week, I'm continually reminding myself how genuine his friendship is and how important it is to have someone like that in your life to count on. I have nothing but positive things to say about Dan. Love that kid to death. I can't wait to go home in December and hang again.

I'll be back home from December 16th - December 30/31st, P.S.

These are some pictures from yesterday. Chris, Dan, and I went to the Wilcox Property to walk around and see all the doggies playing around up there. Chris and I also decided it would be a good idea to scale the side of the property to get to Hendry's Beach. At one point, there was a good six foot straight drop of rocks which I thought would be possible to simply walk down. Needless to say, I have some pretty gnarly cuts on the palms of my hands now.

I've been listening to a lot of The Get Up Kids and it makes me miss home a lot. I remember driving with my windows down, driving aimlessly; the cool Fall air swallowing any breath that went through my lips, raising little hairs on my arms while listening to Something to Write Home About. The leaves all changing color, falling off of their branches, covering the street in this multi-colored floor that crackled as my wheels went over top of them. I miss being able to do that. Luckily, the air has been getting much cooler here at night and it is as close as I will get to the chilly Fall air of the East Coast.

My playlist lately has consisted a lot of: Laura Manling, The Get Up Kids, Integrity, Ghostface, Blackbirds, His Hero is Gone, Johnny Flynn, and Oiltanker.

One day at a time, one day at a time..

2008-10-08T03:25:00.001-07:00

2008-10-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

Today began like any normal day would. Dan and I woke up early then picked up Scott, Eva, Chris, and Dalan to proceed to Six Flags in Valencia. We made a stop at Whole Foods prior to our excursion in rollercoaster world, grabbed some food, and made our way to the park. We were all running pretty low on sleep and high on adrenaline, so we cruised our way through the park with no lines at all the rides we wanted to go on. After about five real gnarly rides in to the day, Scott and I lost our marbles and our heads became completely dizzied. So, we both laid down in the middle of the park and napped for about two hours. You know what - none of this really matters! The best part of the day is as follows..

After our nap, we sat in the area pictured above to eat some lunch. We got yelled at by the cops also pictured above for "sitting in the driving lane" in the most condescending tone ever. So, afterwards, we make the short trek from the parking lot back into the park. We're walking towards the few rollercoasters we hadn't yet gone to, specifically Scream. As we're walking, a little boy peeks inside this non-descript steel door. His eyes get wide, and Dalan's get even wider. Dalan and I both go inside the door and see a giant stage in front of us. Of course we're going to explore. So, we get on the stage and begin peering around the corner. Almost as if it were just a big pot of gold sitting at the end of the rainbow, we stumbled across the costumes the people dress up in for Six Flags. Tweety, Marvin the Martian, Yosemite Sam, Bugs Bunny, etc - all the regular Warner Brothers crew members. Before I know it, Dalan is slipping his legs into the Porky costume and I'm helping him in with his arms, laughing so hard. We get the head off of the pegs and the costume is complete. We realized he would need the gloves, so we quickly found a pair and got him suited to start going outside. He is walking across the stage, up the stairs, and boom - we're out in the public with Dalan in a Porky the Pig costume at Six Flags.

Almost immediately, people are rushing to give him high fives and hugs with enormous smiles. He's playing the part - laughing, smiling, acting, giving high fives, waving. Two girls even decided to take a picture with him! All of us are LAUGHING so hard while this is happening. Chris gave him a big jump-frog hug, and almost knocked him over. Then Dan gave him a pretty good bounce in the head, and in the midst of some onlookers getting really irritated with these actions against a seemingly harmless Porky the Pig, we see Dalan getting escorted away by an actual person who works at Six Flags. All of us start getting stressed and are wondering what the fuck is happening.

All of a sudden, we see Dalan sprint out the door he was taken back into, sans costume, just asking us "WHERE'S THE GATE, WHERE'S THE GATE!" and the worker who caught him quickly in toe. He tried making a run for it, but ran into a dead end and was then swarmed with security and a whole bunch of people who staff Six Flags. He gets taken behind a wooden fence for at least an hour and we have no idea what's happening to him. Come to find out, they took his picture, gave him ridiculous drug/alcohol tests, and made a big deal out of him wearing the costume for a little bit. Apparently, Porky is also supposed to be wearing a blue sportscoat and a bow tie - we never even thought about it. He left with an in-the-mail-soon fine of $50 - $1000, signed paperwork that he is never allowed in any of the nation's Six Flags for life, and a giant smile on his face.

Today, I assisted one of my good friends in stealing a costume from Six Flags, laughed harder than ever while he played the part for a few minutes, and also witnessed my friend make a run for safety while all of his friends backed him up by being there and not giving the cops or security one bit of information, and never giving up concerning the fact that Dalan was getting in trouble for something so ridiculous. Stop taking your jobs so seriously.

Days like these are the ones that keep me here, keep me going, and keep me smiling.

2008-10-04T23:31:00.000-07:00

Rainy morning, downtown State St., Taj Mahal Indian buffet, Westside house, Goleta, back to the Westside house, nap and food, home. Kind of just a slow, rainy, sleepy day. This is the first time it has rained in so long in Santa Barbara.

I forgot to add this picture to my post from the other night when I went out with Kayla; featured at the Brooks Institute gallery from their MFA photography students:

2008-10-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

Dan is in California with me!! Biggest trouble makers in the world are united again.

LAX, Vegan Express, Vans outlet, Palm Gardens house,The King of Kong: Fistfull of Quarters (I saw Billy in LAX earlier that morning before seeing the movie - so ironic!!), Super Cucas, Ms. Pacman at Wash N Dry, mastery of the Santa Barbara High School jump, non-mastery of a construction sign jump on the ground, relatively successful dumpstering, and great sleep.

2008-10-04T10:02:00.001-07:00

First Thursday, first date, Pizza Guru, Virgil's root beer floats, Dia de Los Muertos art, Day of The Dead masks, and moths with Kayla.

2008-09-30T04:33:00.001-07:00

2008-09-28T13:20:00.001-07:00

2008-09-26T23:57:00.001-07:00

2008-09-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

shyne3434: One day man, you're gonna find some sort of fucking extreme happiness

onlylivefortoday: you really think?

shyne3434: Yep, you deserve it for all the searching

2008-09-22T21:39:00.001-07:00

Food Not Bombs #1 today went really well. The usual group that was doing it in Santa Barbara before kind of fell off, so today - Chris, Sara, Scott, and I cooked all the food and brought it downtown to the library. Clay came down to help serve and hang with us, and one of the dudes from the infoshop was rad and brought us some utensils. It was a good day. Our menu included: mushroom broth soup with zucchini, mushrooms, brown rice, corn, and some seasonings, fruit salad with peaches, watermelon, blueberries, grapes, pineapple, and apples, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, plus a bunch of extra stuff to just have people grab if they wanted. 99.9% of it was all dumpstered and 100% was vegan.

Last night after I finished working at the beach, Chris and I got some food and met up with Sara to go to the Alpha and Omega/Pressvre show at Casa de la Rasa. It was boring. However, playing hangman and fooling around was fun. Dalan took my camera and was just taking random pictures the whole night.

That dude in the black tshirt was shadowboxing the wall during Downpresser, and then jumped off the PA speaker which was super high off the ground into some kids. Soo awkward/funny to watch. I was more into backflips than bro-dom.

Been having some worthwhile adventures here in Santa Barbara. Soon, when I actually have the time to sit down and write an actual entry about what's been going on, I will.

2008-09-18T21:19:00.001-07:00

"we're still young as fuck. we've got plenty of time to screw up and move around and see things."

2008-09-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Got to spend some time here, just hanging around and reading in the sun, before I went to work today.

"The connection was good. I could hear her breathing in the spaces between our words. How do you talk to the real person whose ghost has haunted you? How do you tell the difference between the two?

"Listen," I said. "I'm sorry about everything."
"Me, too."
"What's going to happen to us?" I asked her and wished I had the answer for myself.
"I don't know," she said. "I want to change the world."

These days, living alone in Spokane, I wish I lived closer to the river, to the falls where ghosts of salmon jump. I wish I could sleep. I put down my paper or book and turn off all the lights, lie quietly in the dark. It may take hours, even years, for me to sleep again. There's nothing surprising or disappointing in that.

I know how all my dreams end anyway."

2008-09-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

Recent playlist:

Nas - "Nigger"
Bad Brains - "I Against I"
Innerpartysystem - "The Download EP"
Justice - "[Cross]"
Madvillain - "Madvillainy"
7 Generations - "To See The End"
Cam'ron - "Purple Haze"

Those are some more photos from the art collective show last night. The underground event was in two graffiti tunnels near La Cumbre Plaza, organized by the Gorilla Art Collective. It was really cool - a ton of artists and people into viewing art all getting together on their Saturday night to partake in a completely 'guerrilla' community organized art exhibit, away from the bourgeois bullshit art galleries in Santa Barbara. Everyone was there just to share their art, not any sort of pretentiousness.

"The Gorilla Art Collective is a small group of young local artists interested in the production of unique, inventive and fun ways of getting the community involved in a more "outside of the box" kind of art scene."

---------

I'm having so much fun in Santa Barbara. Today was my last day working at Paddle Sports on West Beach. I now work full time at American Apparel downtown. Nate's girlfriend hooked me up with the job which rules. I've worked a few times already, and I'm into it. I fill the floor and listen to music as loud as I want downstairs in the basement. My class is going well. Dan is coming out to see me the first week in October. My brother might be coming around the same time. My mom is flying me home for two weeks in December for the holidays. That's gonna be my only time back in Connecticut for a while most likely, so if you wanna hang, don't forget to get in touuchhh.

Sometimes, I don't feel really 'busy' here.. but I am. I'm doing good. Santa Barbara definitely isn't home for good, but it rules now.

2008-09-14T02:48:00.000-07:00

+ Casey's guerrilla art show tonight in the graffiti tunnels
+ Trader Joe's dumpsters
+ Adventures with Chris, Dalan, and Eva = always super fun/tiring in the best way.

I'll update/write more later. Just wanted to get some pictures up before I actually have the time to sit down and write..

2008-09-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Stop fucking this up.

2008-09-10T01:23:00.001-07:00

2008-09-09T03:49:00.001-07:00

I just got home from bringing Nick back to Santa Ana :( This weekend was so much fun, true bummer to see it be over now.

2008-09-08T09:16:00.001-07:00

2008-09-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

EAST COAST IN CALIFORNIA!!

NICK WILL BE HERE THIS WEEKEND!

DAN IS COMING THE FIRST WEEK IN OCTOBER, FOR SURE!

VERSE IS DOING A WEEKEND W/ KILLING THE DREAM!

HAVE HEART IS PLAYING HALLOWEEN NIGHT!

stoked! oh, and I finally got a skateboard for $25 today. and I hopefully will be able to volunteer at Bici Centro next Tuesday to build my own bike for free!

2008-09-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

2008-09-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

Also, this article is great and was just featured in the recent Adbusters #79; the article is called "Hipsters: The Dead End of Western Civilization".

"While previous youth movements have challenged the dysfunction and decadence of their elders, today we have the "hipster" - a youth subculture that mirrors the doomed shallowness of mainstream society."

Check it out here in full color w/ pictures: Hipsters: The Dead End of Western Civilization.

2008-09-03T23:11:00.000-07:00

I got this little journal, "BOOKS TO READ", one day in Boston before I left home. I saw this list of suggested reading for an MFA program at some university, and have taken it upon myself to independently try to follow this particular list's recommendations of books to read in each category of literature. Hence, I've started writing down titles and authors of assorted fiction books to get and read. I have about one page, front and back, finished so far. I have read too many books about history and resistance and social theory. I should complete my library with a more rounded fiction section of great literature.

If you have any recommendations for me, leave a comment or message me in some other medium. No Stephen King or some bullshit novel like that. Or if you wanna see the MFA list/the books I've chosen to read, let me know.

I started Samuel Beckett's "Molloy" this evening, and I really like it so far. I can't so much pin down yet why I am so intrigued by Beckett's style of writing, but the story is so under developed that its good. Here's a little excerpt if it:

"But it is not the kind of place where you go, but where you find yourself, sometimes, not knowing how, and which you can not leave at will, and where you find yourself without any pleasure, but with more perhaps than in those places you can escape from, by making an effort, places full of mystery, full of familiar mysteries. I listen and the voice is of a world collapsing endlessly, a frozen world, under a faint untroubled sky, enough to see by, and yes, frozen too."

---------

I've been toying with the idea of changing my major/s around and doing something with sociology or creative writing or ethnic studies or just English. Not really too sure what I'm going to do yet. I just wrote a short story about my Dad a few nights ago, and I really like it a lot. Who knows.

I'm picking up Nick in LA on Saturday night with Dalan, and then hanging out all weekend with him until Monday night when I bring him back to LA. Stoked. Tomorrow morning, I have class and then at night is First Thursday as well as Bici Centro, the bike co-op, is open so I can try to get a new bike instead of my well over 30lb three speed "hunker".

2008-08-31T20:03:00.000-07:00

Nothing beats coming home after a few long days of work - taking a hot shower, getting into comfortable clothes, eating a tofurkey/tomato/fyh cheese/avocado sandwich with a banana for dessert, then laying in bed and listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing and sing and sing.

2008-08-31T01:48:00.000-07:00

After talking last night and randomly being informed on a new visitor, I get to see Nick, sans cat, next week too! He's flying out here from Austin to hang since he's got some down time in his scheduling. I'm going to be spoiled seeing all my good friends from back home! I'm so excited. This is perfect timing.

Hangin' out is what we do best!

2008-08-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

MY BEST FRIEND MIGHT BE COMING TO VISIT ME THE FIRST WEEK IN OCTOBER!!!

Today was kind of a bummer day. I was looking through some pictures from when I was younger with my family in Cape Cod and at my home in Connecticut which really just made me miss home a lot. I miss the familiarity of my house, being able to walk through every square inch with my eyes closed and know where I was going, waking up to my dad doing something crazy outside that I knew I should probably help with, my mom yelling about my laundry being left on the bathroom floor, and little Maggie just yelping and tick-tick-ticking her nails across the kitchen floor. I miss Dan most of all, and Lynn, Luc, Ashley, Paul, Will, Tim, even Kate sometimes; familiar faces. It's lonely being here. It's good, I like it a lot, but today was just a lonely day.

Getting anxiety about not being able to take more classes, which is what I really set out here to do, is really consistent. In due time, I hope - by next year, I hopefully will have citizenship in time in order to get the Bog Waiver to go to my classes for free at City College. Within the next month, I'm going to visit Berkeley and see what I can possibly do to somehow gain acceptance into their university.

HOWEVER - the good news is that DAN DIONNE might be coming to visit me in the first week of October, from the 3rd - 10th. I'm waiting to hear on Sunday what H&M says about him getting time off, but I would be so fucking stoked to have him here and hang out again. After spending 90% of my free time with him back home, its weird not doing it now. So, fingers crossed, I'll be going to pick up Daniel from LAX around midnight on October 3rd!!

We both look so young in this picture! If he comes, the week will consist of me gaining back all the weight I've lost since not eating with him six hundred times a day, fruit smoothies real late at night, him trying Blenders to complete the prophecy that is in fact better than Jamba, both of us agreeing to watch a movie together and then I'll fall asleep ten minutes into it, late night adventures in downtown, and hopefully getting in a fight around IV or Sharkeez at least twice with some drunk dude and his friends.

2008-08-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

aerhioaroihjoiaah. Most confusing first day of class ever. So stressed out.

2008-08-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

Day 2: Paddle Sports on West Beach. I love my life.

2008-08-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

I went to a house show in Isla Vista last night with Casey. It was at the Pink Mailbox which is a pretty sweet DIY run house that holds all sorts of different touring bands when they roll through. It was all kind of a blur. I kept just wanting to be in a room full of my friends again and see Down to Nothing and Verse in Providence or Oiltanker and Hip Cops in Hartford and rage like normal. Well, pictures regardless.

Today was my first day of work with Paddle Sports, literally just sitting on the beach and hanging out. When someone comes up and wants to rent an ocean Yak, I help them bring it to the water and then help them come back in; that's my job! It ruled, obviously. I worked 9:30 - 5, then biked like crazy to get to my other job interview on State St which was scheduled for 5:00pm. It was for sumbody, an organic skincare company that is all handmade by this one woman and there are five stores in California. It's not some stupid huge corporation, profiteering off of the organic/"green" craze and they truly appeared to be concerned with consumption and the environment. With a room full of creams and minerals to make your skin prettier or your wrinkles less defined, I don't know how that fits in with consumption which leads into image and trying to turn back the natural clock and all of those awful qualities of Amerikan society. But, either way, I should know tomorrow afternoon how it goes. She was stoked on me for sure it seemed.

How could I ever want to leave this..

Greetings from California.

2008-08-22T16:50:00.001-07:00

So, I've been in Santa Barbara for about a week now and it's been pretty stressful but it's going to rule. The past few days have been really good. I got here at 3am last Thursday and stayed with some new friends of mine for a few days - Chris, Dalan, Katie, and Eva. My good friend, Dana, luckily was able to introduce me to all of her friends from here which made the transition from back East to here that much more enjoyable and easier. Chris and everyone went to the 7 Generations CD release show in San Francisco (pick up that release) and so I stayed at The Arden House with another new friend, Casey, and her roommates which was also really nice. All of the people that I've met and hung out with so far have been really awesome and I'm glad to have run into so many good people early on.

Casey brought me to her roommate's job in one of the mountains one night where Rachel cooks vegan Indian food for this ritzy, expensive, bourgeois yoga retreat. It's buried in these huge mountains along San Marcos Pass and it's really nice. The food was amazing, of course. I've had the pleasure and total privilege of eating a ton of free food since being here. There were a lot of trails, and here is a look out point from one of the trails around the retreat -

I have been doing a lot of adventuring, a lot of bike riding, a lot of hanging out, and exploring of the city. I found a place to live a minute from one of the prettiest beaches in Santa Barbara, 1000 Steps, right on top of the Mesa near the organic food store here. I'm a five minute bike ride to my school, which rules. I am living with this really eccentric/awesome middle aged woman who lived in Mexico for ten years to get out of the United States. She made a stencil of Subcommadante Marcos for one of her design classes.

However, after moving in, I got a much better offer to 'watch over' this woman's huge one bedroom studio, fully furnished with all this really fancy furniture and top of the line amenities while her and her husband are in Africa for a year. It's only $700/month including everything, which is awesome. It's downtown, right near the beach still and a short bike ride to my school. So, I'm waiting to see what happens with that - if I can move in after my month-to-month lease that I signed here is up at the end of September. What do you think I should do?

Anyway, so I spent all day yesterday getting settled in my new place and moving all of my shit in, much thanks to Casey for assisting in doing so. She works at an organic farm with Chris, and will be giving me a huge bag full of veggies/fruit from her farm in a few minutes. Stoked! It's a good sized room in a great neighborhood like I explained. ENORMOUS closet, nice little nook that fit my bed, and everything else is just kinda hanging right now until I get hangers. Here's a few pictures, it's a lot more neat and clean now -

I have a job interview tomorrow for this organic/natural skin care place downtown which seems pretty legit and then I also start (crazy - literally just got the job today) tomorrow at this job to hang on the beach, sign people up to go kayaking on sit-on-top yaks, collect their money, and read. That's it, and it pays $10/hr. It's temporary, but who cares - it rules for now!

Everything is shaping up to be really good. I start my class on Tuesday - unfortunately only taking one class this semester which really bums me out and causes a ton of extra anxiety. But, I'm trying to make the best of it. It's a Composition and Critical Thinking Honors course, 111. Not even sure if I need it, but that'll get figured out shortly.

Been listening to a lot of Priestess, Oiltanker, Counting Crows, Pulling Teeth, Minor Threat, new 7 Gen, and Anberlin. I have hardly used my car more than twice (thankfully - since the problems in Colorado) and am loving it. So, things here rule. I mean, if you want to paypal me $10 or $20, that would be awesome - my email is clarkchristopher@hotmail.com. Also, if you want to send me a skateboard, finished or just a deck, that would be awesome; I'll pay for the cheapest shipping rate.

I miss my family and my room and my friends back home, but things are starting to feel more like a second home now here which is comforting. Home is what you make of it - my heart will always lie with wherever my family is, but home isn't Connecticut anymore. Talk to you soon.

Denver, CO.

2008-08-22T16:35:00.001-07:00

I forgot to add these pictures of Denver that I wanted to share. I had a lot of fun in that city, it took a day to warm up to. It's a little bit too commercially and mally like other large cities in the United States. But the neighborhoods, the company and place where I stayed, the vegan food, and the views were beautiful. At any point while biking or walking downtown, you can see the Rocky Mountains sprouting up agianst the city skyline. The bike trails that embody the cities underground are great, too - they can transport you to any point in the city that you may wish to see. If you find yourself in Denver soon, make sure you're taking part in utterly dismantling the Democratic National Convention or roam around and find City o' City - a delicious vegan restaurant with an amazing buffalo grilled tempeh ceasar salad wrap and a full vegan bakery. There is a quick, not very detailed menu here and a bakery menu here.

I didn't get a chance to actually visit Red Rocks or any part of the mountains for that matter due to having all of my shit in my car. But next time, that will be my first place to explore. While leaving Denver at 5:30am in the higher altitudes and my car running on a much thicker oil than it's supposed to be, I ran into some serious car problems in Silverthorne, CO. My car wasn't running well and began smoking like crazy on the highway. I thought I was done and this was the end of my trip. To make a long story spanning two hours short, I let my little Saturn sit at a garage for a bit waiting for it to be looked at when I decided that since my entire life has been run on luck so far, that I might as well give it a try and see how far I get. So, I put some dry gas in it's tank, made sure the oil level was up, and started driving again. I made it to California so the rest is history. How is that for luck? Only me, only me.

Anyway, pictures are as follows:
First - when people talk about Denver being a natural and outdoorsy city, they aren't joking - this river runs through the city and around the bike trails that connect all over Denver.

Second and Third - two epic shots of impending doom that were huddled over Denver's sky the last night I was there.

Fourth - a shot of Arizona while driving to California.

2008-08-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

2008-08-18T14:05:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what I'm doing here.

2008-08-16T15:42:00.000-07:00

I made it to Santa Barbara a few days ago. Denver ruled. The drive to Santa Barbara from there did not. I will update soon with some epic while-driving pictures through Arizona and Utah and Colorado, some pictures from Denver, and maybe a few from Santa Barbara.

Nervous. Unsettled. Curious.

2008-08-11T10:38:00.001-07:00

Lawrence, KS

Sad to have left this little city. Had a ton of fun while I was there.

I'm in Denver, CO now. Currently sitting in this eclectic little coffee shop down the street from where I'm staying in the Capitol Hill area. I'm going to attempt to navigate my way around this city on my bike and figure out something to do. I always get nervous and timid when doing that.

2008-08-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Lawrence, Kansas

Today has, for sure, been one of the most surreal/awesome/weird days so far. This morning, I slept in super late and wound up walking in the rain up a big hill to try to find the museum on the Kansas University campus. I gave up and walked back down the big hill to get an umbrella. All of a sudden, I hear someone calling my name - it was my friend, Bea, from Chicago whom I haven't seen in at least two years, maybe more. She was staying with friends right down the street from me. How surreal and intense is that - having come to the middle of nowhere Kansas and seeing her here. Anyway, we hung out and went out to an Indian buffet. it was cool, not worth $12 though; total bummer. Never paying that much for a meal again this whole trip.

Afterwards, I went with John to a photo assignment for the newspaper he works for here. He went to shoot a horsemanship competition. Very odd that a vegan who feels strongly about animal liberation would find himself at such at a place, but it was still neat nonetheless. Completely different world than I'm used to.

After the competition, John and I went to his newspaper's office so he could edit some of his photos. It was a beautiful building, great lighting and great interior architecture.

After a little bike ride around the inner neighborhoods of Lawrence, we went to the bar/cafe called The Bourgeois Pig. I got an iced tea, John got a coffee, and we both relaxed outside for a while in the beautiful weather and talked. My stay with him has been great, totally hospitable and really down to earth dude.

Kansas is really pretty, Lawrence is a nice little close-knit city that maybe parties a little too much and has waaay too many frat/sorority houses. Not to mention, all of the gorgeous Southern girls who wear dresses are stealing my heart here.

2008-08-09T00:21:00.000-07:00

Cincinnati, OH to Kansas City, MO and Lawrence, KS

The drive today wasn't too bad. Only about a ten hour trip total including a few stops and fill ups. For some reason, my car began using a lot more oil today. I can't wait to get rid of it, such a pain in the ass.

Illinois was a little bit boring to drive through - I couldn't really tell where I was. However. all of Missouri is really gorgeous. I really enjoyed that drive. Lots of lush, rolling green hills and a lot of beautiful farms.

I stopped in Kansas City for the museum this evening and I really wish I had enough time to have stayed there for a night or two. It seemed like a very vibrant and glowing city. Kind of super commercial and corporate, but it seemed to have it's positive sides. Regardless, these are the buildings I mentioned earlier at the Nelson-Atkins Museum.

And a few shots from the galleries inside, including the Human Nature exhibit about European landscapes.

Tonight, I'm staying at the Sunflower House Cooperative in Lawrence, Kansas with a very nice dude named John. He gave me a tutorial tonight on how to actually use my camera, what it's settings mean, and how to slightly edit in Photoshop. It's right near Kansas University and literally right along the same street as all the enormous frat houses. Frat row, bro. It's nice - I like it here. The midwest is a neat little part of this country.

2008-08-07T19:24:00.000-07:00

I'm making a special stop tomorrow in Kansas City, Missouri in order to see the Nelson-Atkins Museum. It has two things that I am really looking forward to seeing: one being the Human Nature photography exhibit of modern European landscapes and the infamous architecturally stunning buildings of Nelson-Atkins which are lit at dusk, called the Bloch buildings. I'm probably just going to spend the night at the East Lawrence rest stop before actually getting into the city the next morning.

Bloch Buildings: website here.

It's been really nice back here in Cincinnati hanging out with Jason and his family. Unfortunately, Payten has gotten really sick since this morning - she has a high fever and a bad case of strep. Allie, his other daughter, spent the day at King's Island - Ohio's Six Flags. She failed her Latin test, but the school changed their policy and is willing to allow her to continue taking classes. She attends the Montessori school here. The entire city of Cincinnati has the choice between sending their children to regular public school or Montessori public school, both of which are free. I was pleasantly surprised and pleased to hear about this. The Northside neighborhood here is about the only neat place to hang out and really spend some time. Regardless, I'm having a lot of fun here.

2008-08-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

Road Trip to California: Stamford, CT - Cincinnati, OH

So, I left home on Tuesday and drove to Stamford to hang out with D'arcy, Erik, Lynn, and Dan. We ate some Thai food and hung out for a bit. Of course, I fell asleep early while watching the new Harold and Kumar.

I drove from Stamford straight through to Cincinnati yesterday. I made a few stops in Pennsylvania, where I bought some fresh organic apples from a farmer's market off one of the exits with Starbucks.

Pennsylvania is a very weird place. I shook my head countless times driving through that state. I know three things for sure: they love god, they love making you try to love god, and they are really into their livestock. I love driving through their highway tunnels buried within the mountains, though.

Ohio was nice and flat - a very easy drive. It took twelve hours to make it from Connecticut to Cincinnati. I was exhausted by the time I got here.

I'm staying with my cousin, Jason, and his wife and kids. His two little girls, Peyton and Allie, are adorable. Allie has a Latin exam today for summer school, and whether or not she passes determines if she'll be able to take classes for 8th grade. And this morning, I woke up to Peyton playing Guitar Hero.

Today, I'm going to eat at the vegan restaurant in northern Cincinnati called Melt. The menu is here. I'm pretty stoked - the vegan chili sounds awesome. Later tonight, I'm going rock climbing with Jason. Then Saturday morning, I'm leaving here for Lawrence, Kansas.

More updates later..

2008-08-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

2008-08-03T15:45:00.001-07:00

I went to Cape Cod with my sister for four days before I leave for California last week. It was really nice and relaxing. We stayed in West Dennis and went to a few different beaches. Ever since I was four years old, my family spent a lot of time in Dennisport. So, for one of our last days, we spent some time on the beach near Dennis Seashores.

It was good to spend time in one of my last few favorite places on the East Coast with my sister - we don't hardly get to spend enough time together. Here's a few pictures. Still trying to figure out how to use my camera..

2008-08-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

East versus West Tattoo Art show, Saved Tattoo, Brooklyn NYC

So hot. So over-crowded. Not really worth it. But it was fun spending the day in nyc with Ashley.

There are certain parts of that city that I can't ever go back to without thinking about this past winter.

2008-05-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

yes, they begin out in a willow, I think
the starch mountains begin out in the willow
and keep right on going without regard for
pumas and nectarines
somehow these mountains are like
an old woman with a bad memory and
a shopping basket.
we are in the basin. that is the
idea. down in the sand and the alleys,
this land punched-in, cuffed-out, divided
held like a crucifix in a deathhand,
this land bought, resold, bought again and
sold again, the wars long over,
the Spaniards all the way back in Spain
down in the thimble again, and now
real estaters, subdividers, landlords, freeway
engineers are arguing. this is their land and
I walk on it, live on it a little while
near Hollywood here I see young men in rooms
listening to glazed recordings
and I think too of old men sick of music
sick of everything, and death like suicide
I think is sometimes voluntary...

2008-05-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

I never read the newspaper, I haven't in at least a few years. Maybe an article here or there. But I just read through a few articles in the NY Daily News. I never realized how awful the journalism has become in these media outlets. Absolute sensationalism, bare minimum propaganda that does not analyze or even examine the problem at hand. In a society which has foundational problems with individualism and not being independent thinkers and not even thinking critically at all - if a majority of Americans read the newspaper every single morning and buy into it line, hook, and sinker - how is there even going to be an intelligent revolution?

Self-proclaimed anarchists that don't read, aren't interested in education, or don't think on their own are doing an extreme disservice to themselves. Ask yourself 'why?' constantly and always question your own beliefs.

The tides are changing...

2008-05-12T17:29:00.001-07:00

Tuesday May 20th 2008.
10:30am - 11:30am. Manchester Community College.
LRC, Fireside Commons.

Title: Are Students Getting it?

Facilitated by:
Chris Clark, Ashley Odell, Kerri Stephenson, and Ken Klucznik.

Are students preparing their assignments for class? What are teacher expectations for student preparedness for class meetings? The panel will facilitate an open and interactive conversation of student engagement, and faculty expectations, of classroom assignments and activities. The discussion is meant to open the question and generate information and ideas.

2008-05-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

"This is killing me," he said to his mother.
"Is this the true face of humanity?," he said to his father.
"The weight of this has got me on my knees..," he said with no response from his mother.
'This is killing me," he said to his father.

2008-05-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm scared of losing the network I built here this past year. I feel safe and comfortable around the people that I have surrounded myself with academically, finally, for the first time in my life. None of them are of my own age sans one or two - which I don't know if this is a glaring problem that I am merely just choosing to look over or not - and the rest are faculty members or professors. But I have amassed myself a network of caring, compassionate, highly intelligent, willing, critical thinkers and I'm just hoping that this will carry on in all of my relationships in California.

I care deeply about the people I've gotten close to this semester, and will regretfully not have the ability to see them every day as I can now. Not having the option of emailing my professors to meet up in their office or on small campus is going to be a big change. Being the big fish in a small pond, too, will certainly change.

2008-04-22T19:43:00.001-07:00

Since the first day of class this semester, I started with a very blunt and open relationship with my professor. It started off with me not knowing what to expect from Professor Messore, except hearsay from friends and other professors. I chose to make my American Government class an Honors option in which I would read additional material outside of the classroom of my choosing and write papers explaining my thoughts and views on the literature. This has proved slightly less substantial than I was hoping - I haven't necessarily gained anything from it besides being able to openly discuss anarchist and radical politics with someone who has a wealth of social and political knowledge not involved in those ideas. However, I have never received praise one on one by Angelo - it all comes to me by other people we mutually know. He has said that I'm his favorite student in class, he's happy to see me engaged, and that he enjoys talking to me outside of class.

Today, I found out that he had made additional comments to Ashley about me, saying that I am far too intelligent to be aiming for the schools I am. I'm aiming too low and should be aiming much higher with my intellectual ability and skills that I have enhanced this past year. UC Santa Cruz isn't good enough, according to Angelo. And he's afraid I would pick a school simply because it's radical, not that the student body is engaged and focused on learning for learning's sake which has some truth behind it. However, to hear that this man whom hasn't shared any sentiments about me as a person to think so highly of me to point this out to more than a few people is truly humbling and a really great feeling. He now plans to only attend 2020 meetings if Ashley and I talk since we are all he's interested in hearing, not the faculty or administrators anymore.

At the last core meeting for 2020, we broke into smaller groups such as the usual. I was in a group of administrators, deans, adjuncts, admissions office members, and professors. I spoke very candidly again about the apathy students have on campus, the hierarchical values that are present not only in our meetings but the classroom, and further pressed the idea of critical pedagogy. I was able to meet yet more faculty members who are welcoming this idea, that a paradigm shift needs to take place on our campus and this will begin to mirror itself outwards to all campuses to begin even having this dialog. I can sense some people "getting it" - understanding that education isn't at all what it should be, and the classrooms don't represent education in the holistic sense. I specifically talked openly with an English professor in the group about titles and the sense of authority by professors and students not being prepared for class. This man spends his life on campus and focused around education - he often refers to his home as nothing more than a "hotel where there's a bed to rest." Today, for the first time, he spent five minutes in class and dismissed the entire class since none of the students had done their readings. This is a true epidemic, spreading across campuses all over the country. We are getting reports from all over of students not being prepared and not engaging themselves. This is troubling, and heartbreaking.

Regardless, that professor spoke with Ken afterwards and said "you know, Chris is fantastic. We need more students like him on our campus. We need him to talk to faculty and staff more often, he is so articulate with his beliefs and is able to make them palatable for everyone." He usually never says these things about any students. I felt really uncomfortable talking to him at the break out group because he wanted to be referred to by "Doctor ______" no matter what, nothing less. And he often teaches with values from Catholicism which troubles me. But, apparently he had nothing but extremely nice things to say about me.

I have never felt more humbled than I have this past year with the work I'm putting forth (though I could be so much more diligent and doing better) and the recognition I have been receiving by friends, campus members, and professors. I feel like I'm finally doing something right, and I'm doing it well. Fighting for a few extra points to get an 95 in a class is something foreign to me- I'm used to battling for those few extra points to pass the class. I like this aspect of my life right now.

2008-04-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

While talking in my American Government class about Free Trade, the conversation quickly turned sour when students began questioning the idea of capitalistic free trade. Instead of asking, "Hey, why are we trading useless material bullshit for actual goods from other countries who are poorer than us?", and demanding an answer on how to more ethically create a free trade society - the majority of students began saying, "Hey, that isn't fair that we are giving them big things and we get pretty much nothing in return." This is the place we live - a wasteland where people cherish themselves over anyone else and disconnect themselves from the disparity and plight of other people.

I had a 20/20 meeting today on campus. Usually, at the core meetings with faculty, students, adjuncts, and professors under one roof, I just get increasingly more frustrated and annoyed. This afternoon was no exception. The meeting began with many "leaders" of the business/accounting departments begging to know why their curriculum or values weren't mentioned in the learning goals put forward by the rest of the committee. One of the business department heads said, "Unless you want to be a poet, you need to know how the world works" in relation to business and capitalism. This very same teacher does not recognize any other form of economic means within her classroom and defines economics as "paid labor".

Another one of the technology/engineering department heads ignorantly made the blanket statement that all students care about is learning what they need to, getting their degree, and getting a job. Unfortunately, how true this is - but, the entire meaning behind the transformation begun by 20/20 is alleviating college campuses of that awful old rhetoric that education at any level, especially college level, is to prepare you for a workforce or prepare you to be a subservient worker. Regardless of how many times I tried to reason that the there is no need to teach a class based on those principles, he refused to listen. Many of the other business/accounting faculty argued that in order to pass most students and get the course out of the way, they need to rush 15 weeks of information. That is also a problem that has been addressed and is in the midst of being extinguished from our college campus's curriculum.

However, after being in large circle - we all split up into smaller groups in order to specifically address learning goals and values according to a reading we all did. In this small group, I was paired up with three other faculty members whom I had never had the chance to converse with before. Now, at this point, it became clear that it was more possible to talk calmly and explicitly with the faculty in order to get my points that I had previously addressed through more clearly. We began talking about how impossible it is to progress through substantial change on campus, often times dealing with the hierarchy of the system and the supposed established authority within that hierarchy whether it's the administrators or the dean or the state legislature. I was able to convey the idea that these false assumptions of authority and titles need to be crushed and thoroughly questioned before falling into a complacent, terrified fetal position. Surprisingly enough, the other three members of my circle agreed.

We then began speaking of how many, if not all, of our readings mirror themselves as problems not only apparent on the college campus but also in our society - the vast Mother Earth. This seems like such an obvious statement - but sometimes, the most obvious of statements need to be addressed. We began to agree that there is a great social problem of injustice, oppression, and assimilation. However, it is absolutely apparent that the change must begin now, a very specific change must be made beginning with new generations and this takes place on the college campus. The smashing of hierarchical authority is key along with questioning supposed authority and working within departments together on taking away the stress of being departmentalized constantly. The idea of only working on the problems in the English department and never helping the History or Humanities departments is unquestioned - that changed this afternoon, as well. Surprisingly, again, my group was in agreement that in order for widespread change to occur, there must be a common solidarity amongst each other. This doesn't require any unions, bureaucratic bullshit, or some authoritative figure telling you when meetings are going to be. It's important to organize yourselves and make it work without any master or manager or boss telling you 'when' and 'now'.

It's imperative to break down all these institutional barriers. Nothing in this world can be solved or figured out by punching numbers in a calculator, sitting behind a keyboard, writing letters to your liberal congressman or woman, and using engineering class rules on how to build a bridge. We live in such a chaotic and confusing landscape that is full of deception and deceit, so buried beneath the surface that the only way to uncover it is by deschooling yourself and looking beyond every single facet of the modern Western world.

It's increasingly impossible to deny that our numbers are growing. The amount of people who are overcoming their fear of speaking dissent against our current way of life is dwindling - those who are unable to look past the despair and violent repressive actions committed in our name for the sake of freedoms and justice are opening their eyes and becoming awakened. Anarchist factions and collectives are growing, and this can hopefully only lead to further and increased solidarity while realizing that we have no obliged contract with Marxists, communists, socialists, progressives, or liberals. We refuse to accept that this is "just the way it is" and that we must sell ourselves for profit, for perfection, for freedom. This is unacceptable and the numbers of people who are realizing these ideas are growing - the legions of citizens who are realizing that the government and the affluent class are capitalizing off of their despair is overflowing.

We will never break the chains of social conformity if we don't ever remove every single institution of hierarchical power -the police force, the army, government, bosses, mangers, and someone who we answer to every day. There is no way we will ever live in a free society unless this happens first. There is something to be said, though, of the public school system and education on such high levels of attendance and desperate need - college is the same. The questions (not so) simply becomes just how do you structure that learning in order to facilitate towards such a large number of people. Is it possible to cut spending on certain sections of the school (technology, cafe, extra buildings) and allocating more of the resources towards promoting and assuring smaller classes? More resources towards the hiring process of truly qualified professors and facilitators who understand what learning is, how learning is achieved, etc?

2008-04-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

It's Sometimes Like It Never Started.

And It's Sometimes Like It Will Never End..

Subcomandante Marcos letter from 2007 --

2008-03-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

"The difference between the irreparable and the necessary, is that for the former there is no need to prepare yourself. And only by preparation can you asses the latter".
-Don Durito de La Lacandona

Earlier, not only in this discussion though we do discuss it here, we have pointed out the warmongering nature of Capitalism.

Now we would like to add that war is not the only manner - although an essential one - by which Capitalism imposes upon and implants itself on the outskirts of our society.

It is also a business in and of itself. A way to obtain winnings.

Paradoxically, it is during times of peace that it is most difficult to do business. And I say 'paradoxically' because it is supposed that the capital requires peace and tranquility in order to develop. Perhaps this was the situation before, I don't know, what we do see nowadays is that war is what is necessary.

Which is why peace is anti-capitalism.

It is not spoken of very much, at least when it occurs in Mexico, but the economic weight of the military industry and its enormous financial gains [which are obtained each time the supposedly ailing north american power decides to 'save' the world from a fundamentalist threat......as long as it's not their own, of course], are nothing to be scoffed at.

In theoretical aspects, as it is, certainly to our understanding, as Jean Robert pointed out a few hours ago, it is necessary to be continually questioning 'the foundations' on which a scientific certainty is laid down. We believe the the concept of 'war' in the theoretical anti-systematic analysis, can help to solidify as of yet swampy foundations.

But it is not only about a theoretical issue. Robert Fisk on one side, and Naomi Klein on the other, have both contributed enormously in tearing down the veil that occulted the scenography of the war in Iraq. Not from behind a desk or in front of a monitor that administers information from the beg media monopolies, but translated personally at the site of the acts themselves, and they both arrived at the same conclusions.

Give or take a few words, they tell us 'Wow! It turns out that we are not in fact liberating Iraq from Hussein's tyranny, but, instead, simply and clearly, we are doing business. And, indeed, the apparent failure of the invasion is a business as well'.

I am going to recommend a book to you. It's this one. 'The Doctrine of Shock. The Peak of the Capitalism of Disaster' by Naomi Klein. It is one of those books that is valuable to have in your hands. It is also a very dangerous book. It is dangerous because you can understand what it says.

As I write this I suppose that Naomi Klein has already exposed the central points of his/her thinking [within the text] , so I will not repeat them. I will only point out that they have to do with aspects of capitalist functions which are ignored by and large by many left thinking theorists and analysts in the world.

Don Pablo Gonzalez Casanova is another one of those who have advanced the dethronement of both old and new realities of Capitalism in Mexico and abroad, and a generous look in it's time, and respectful of its' analysis of our comings and goings as zapatistas.

We have here two representatives of two generations of analysts of the capitalist system, serious, brilliant, and also feature something that tends to be forgotten in the theoretic and intellectual medium: they are pedagogues, or it is to say, they give us to understand.

Don Pablo Gonzalez Casanova is a wise man. He is the only intellectual that I have seen being spoken to in a familiar manner by his associates. I, who have more than twenty some odd years living within our villages, know how difficult it is to obtain that familiarity.

To Naomi, along with Don Pablo, we will give this little doll along with a conch shell. The conch shell, in our villages is used to convene public assemblies, and this is how we gather as a group. This is why we refer to it as 'the caller of the collective us'.

Our collective admiration and respect for Don Pablo, is also personal. I tend to say that, when I grow up, I want to be like Don Pablo Gonzalez Casanova. I should also add that he is one of those who provokes chauvinistic relapses and who makes us say that it is an honor to be a mexican.

Don Pablo, I present to you as a gift this book by Naomi Klein. It contains new tools needed in order to understand the new paths that Capitalism is heading down. I am giving it to you because I already have an another copy.

I'd like to take advantage of this occasion to communicate something to all of you.

This is the last time, at least in a long while, that we have come out for these types of activities, I am referring to the colloquial, meetings, round tables, conferences, aside from, of course, interviews.

Some of those who have moderated these collective conferences have presented me as the voice of the EZLN, and this morning i read that someone refers to me as, on top of being the voice of, as "ideologist" of zapatismo. !Orales (generic mexican exclamation)! "Ideologist". Listen, and how much does that hurt?

Look, the ELZN is an army. Very different, this is true, but an army nonetheless.

And, despite whatever parts of the Sup you may want to see (I mean, aside from it's gorgeous legs), as the voice of, or "ideologist" or what have you, I've deduced that you are old enough to know what the Sup is, the military chief of the EZLN".

Something that has not happened in a long time, is happening now. Our communities, our co-workers, are being set upon/attacked.

It has happened before, this is true.

But it is the first time since that dawn of January, 1994 that the social outcry, national and international, has been rendered insignificant or null.

It is the first time that these aggressions have come boldfacedly from governments that are supposedly left-leaning, or that perpetuate themselves with the unconditional support of the institutional left.

In today's paper, you can read that the representative of the chiapaneco farmers who i spoke to you about yesterday, Mr. Constatino Kanter, has just been nominated as a functionary in the perredista government of Juan Sabines, in a position where financial resources for the paramilitary groups can flow without any hinderances.

It is also the first time that we have seen those spaces where the common people were able to find out what was happening within our movement, and of our reflections and calls to action, closed.

Not only me.

A few months ago, at one of the round tables held in Mexico City one of those characters who make up that modern group known as the 'sly shirts' of the Lopezobradorismo [and who employ, in the media, cretins and pencil pushers such as Jaime Aviles of the La Jornada newspaper] beseeched us zapatistas [present there were Commander Miriam, Commander Zebedeo and myself] in a petulant and inquisitory manner, - give or take a few words - why we wouldn't allow 'progressive people in the country to advnce the democratization of Mexico'. That's what he said. We had just finished giving a detailed account of a series of events that were the fundamental basis for why we maintained such a distance from the PRD and Lopezobradorismo which of course the well dressed lady did not listen to.

When it comes to the arguments we exposed, the 5 or 6 people sent first responded with lies (that AMLO had broken ties with governor Sabines and joined Felipe Calderon, that the CND was anti-capitalist, and things of this nature) followed by their chant/slogan of 'this a horror, being with a worker'. Commander Zebedeo asked me afterwards what we were doing there and who were these people who didn't even listen to what we had to say)

A few days later, the pussycat (with my apologies to all cats) who presides over the Party of the Democratic Revolution, Leonel Cota Montano, accused us of having provoked, with our criticisms, the electoral defeat (that's what he said) of Lopez Obrador in the presidential election of 2006.

Before, practically since the upstart of the Sixth Declaration of The Selva Lacandona, the Lopezobradorismo we have illustrated, found open spaces to attack us, all the while closing us down.

We had everything said to us, at this point in time. To paraphrase Edmundo Valadez, 'the shit had permission' and the intellectual progressive left was spoken about, drawn about and written about in ways that would make the most reactionary press in our country ashamed/embarrassed/blushing but were celebrated in the institutional left.

In the words of one 'leftist' intellectual, after the electoral fraud of 2006: 'we are not going to forgive Marcos for this one'.

I am pointing out a simple act. An act, that we foresaw even before that 19th of July, 2005 on which we made public our Sixth Declaration of the Selva Lacandona, and which we prepared ourselves for.

There have also been incidents, above all in during the last tour we did for the Encuentro de Pueblos Indios de America which took us to Vicam, Sonora, which warn us and prevent us.

We know and understand that you think that these things only happen if the media reports them. I am telling you that this is not the case, as there are many times that many things occur that are covered up or ignored.

We understand that our positions may not be accepted with the same openness and tolerance that they were years ago.

We understand about the giving of support and publicity to a certain political position, and that this position will be 'housed' in order to leave any opposing or dissenting views out in the cold.

We also understand that for some media outlets we are only newsworthy when we are killing or dying, but, at least for now we would prefer for them to be without their notes, and for us to keep moving forward consolidating the civil and peaceful effort of what is still called The Other Campaign, and, at the same time, to be ready to resist, on our own, the reactivation of the aggression by the forces against us, be it with armies, police, or paramilitary units.

Those of us who have waged war know how to recognize the paths via which it nears and prepares itself.

The signs of war on the horizon are clear.

War, like fear, has a scent.

And now you can begin to breathe its fetid odor in our lands.

In the words of Naomi Klein, we should prepare for the shock.

Besides that, in these two years that we have been outside, our theoretical production, reflexive and analytical has been more abundant than in the 12 previous years. The fact that this hasn't been recognized by the usual media outlets, does not mean that they do not exist. There are our foundations, if anybody cares to discuss them, question them or confront them with what is occurring now in the world and in our country. Perhaps, if they take a look, they will see there, as a warning, what the reality is today.

At the end, that's how it is. Perhaps now the term 'it's in your hands' is understood as a result of our participation.

When zapatistas speak, we put forth the red heart that we collectively beat as.

It is impossible to understand what we say, do and will do, if you do not feel our word.

I know that there is no room for sentiment within theory, at least in the one that is currently stumbling about.

It is very difficult to feel with your head and think with your heart.

That the theoretical masturbations that the implantation of this possibility are not minor, and that our bookstores and libraries are filled with failed attempts or ridicule of what I am talking to you about.

We know and understand this.

But we insist that the implementation is right, what is wrong is that place that it is trying to implement itself.

Because for us, us zapatistas, the theoretical problem is a practical problem.

It's not about promoting pragmatism or returning to the origins of empiricism, but to calmly point out that theories should not only not isolate themselves from reality, but should instead find in reality the loopholes that are sometimes necessary when one comes across an alley with no conceptual way out.

Well rounded theories, complete, finished, coherent, are good for presenting professional exams or to win awards, but tend to shatter upon the first gust of reality.

We have here, at this table heard sparks and glimmers that for us, the zapatistas, give us strength and breathe.

That explosive blend of knowledge made sentiment which John Berger illumniated and moved us with;

the lucid and uncompromising questioning by jean robert.

the concrete analysis of Sergio Rodriguez.

the serene clarity of the reflections of Francois Houtart;

the honest history on what happened and what will happen that which we not only respect, and also admire, that of MST, told by the associate Ricardo Gebrim;

the rich and encompassing thoughts of Jorge Alonso;

(he enthusiastic description by Peter Roset;

the brilliant reference that Gilberto Valdez made about the theoretical discussions that are put forth in revolutionary Cuba.

the advantageously provocative theories of Gustavo Esteva.

the noble lucidity of Sylvia Marcos.

the theo-analytic advances of Carlos Aguirre Rojas;

the long-lived brightness of Immanuel Wallerstein;

and a few moments ago, the wise sister and companion of Don Pablo, and the restless illumination that Naomi Klein places above capitalist cynicism.

We also acknowledge all those who moderated these town sessions.

My respect to those who worked on the translation of the presentations, and my sincere apologies for the problems they may have been cause by the 'idioms' of the Zapatista language of Mr. Buho, December, and Elias Contreras.

Although there is, however, something more that you don't see there, because you see what it does.

I am referring to those who we call resonant and luminous, and, above all, all the young indigenous people who study and work here in the CIDECI with Dr. Raymundo Sanchez Barraza.

Now that we have talked about how they look, I think we can at least not only see their work fundamentally it is them who have made this gathering possible, also look at them individually.

Very special thanks and warmth to the the team that supported the Sixth Commission of the EZLN. Thank you Julio. Thank you Roger.

I know that you find it strange for me to be saying this, being that we still haven't gotten to our homage of Andres Aubry that is set for tomorrow and the declaration of his doctorate.

For this event, mediating tomorrow, will be my bosses from the Clandestine Revolutionary Indigenous Committee of the Altos zone, along with the autonomous authorities and work commissions of the Junta de Buen Gobierno de Oventik.

They will all then our word, mine included, that we will speak out for them with all that we have.

As the last part of our extended intervention in this meeting, I would like to explain what we want to point out with the general title, that which is 'Neither the center, nor the outskirts'.

We think that it is not only about avoiding traps and concepts, theoretical and analytical in this case, that the center imposes on the outskirts.

It is also not about investing in and changing the gravitational center of the outskirts, in order to 'irradiate' the center.

We believe, in change, that that other theory, of which some of its' general remnants have been presented here, should also make a break from that logic having to do worth center and outskirts, and anchor itself in the realities that erupt, emerge and clear new paths.

If this type of encounter repeats itself, I think that they will be in agreement with me that the presence of anti-systemic movements, like the current Movement of those Without Land in Brazil, are particularly enriching.

Well, I think that is all.

Oh! Before I forget: I leave you with this.

Many thanks, to all.

Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos.
San Cristóbal de Las Casas, Chiapas, México.
Diciembre del 2007.

2008-03-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

"This is the customary time when the defendant expresses regret for the crimes they committed, so let me do that because I am not without my regrets. I am here today to be sentenced for my participation in releasing mink from 6 fur farms. I regret it was only 6. I'm also here today to be sentenced for my participation in the freeing of 8,000 mink from those farms. I regret it was only 8,000. It is my understanding of those 6 farms, only 2 of them have since shut down. I regret it was only 2.

More than anything, I regret my restraint, because whatever damage we did to those businesses, if those farms were left standing, and if one animal was left behind, then it wasn't enough.

I don't wish to validate this proceeding by begging for mercy or appealing to the conscience of the court, because I know if this system had a conscience I would not be here, and in my place would be all the butchers, vivisectors, and fur farmers of the world.

Just as I will remain unbowed before this court- who would see me imprisoned for an act of conscience- I will also deny the fur farmers in the room the pleasure of seeing me bow down before them. To those people here whose sheds I may have visited in 1997, let me tell you directly for the first time, it was a please (sic) to raid your farms, and to free those animals you held captive. It is to those animals I answer to, not you or this court. I will forever mark those nights on your property as the most rewarding experience of my life.

And to those farmers or other savages who may read my words in the future and smile at my fate, just remember: We have put more of you in bankruptcy than you have put liberators in prison. Don't forget that.

Let me thank everyone in the courtroom who came to support me today. It is my last wish before prison that each of you drive to a nearby fur farm tonight, tear down its fence and open every cage.

That's all."

- Peter Young, animal liberation activist.

2008-03-24T21:34:00.001-07:00

I think my next "actual" tattoo is going to be my kneecaps.

2008-03-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

California was so much fun. I feel really disconnected from everything back at home because I enjoyed myself so much. I got off the plane in Dallas - Texas sucks still. And then getting off the plane in Connecticut, with gusting winds and wicked cold temperature; total bummer. I keep assuming it's possible to merely shuffle my feet across the train tracks, walk up State, and go to Blenders on the right. Or that tomorrow, I can hop down out of my bunk bed and not awake the German travelers and go hiking in the mountains. Santa Barbara was such a nice escape. It really felt like home.

I found at least a thousand "dream houses" there - the architecture is so beautiful. One of them belongs to this woman, Wendy something-or-other, who is the biggest dummy in the world and has been heavily criticized and ostracized for her censoring of the newspaper in Santa Barbara. It's a gorgeous property with a tree-lined driveway. Some how, I got caught taking pictures by some dude who came out of NOWHERE - of course I wasn't taking pictures of the house, sir..

I spent the majority of my time just relaxing and enjoying the city - the Sunday open-air market along the water, the beach and the Pacific Ocean, all the vegan restaurants, the zoo + botanical garden, hiking one day, etc. Luckily, I ended up hanging out with and having an excellent guide whom I was able to further enjoy Santa Barbara through. I was stoked to be able to see some old friends and hang finally. I met Bruce Crawford, one of the most charismatic and siked-on-life dudes ever. He helped this family build their house in Philadelphia and they never paid him for 6 months worth of work. So he burned down the entire house, and was put in prison for seven years. Totally rules. He was full of stories and has seen quite a bit of the country.

I'm home now. And it feels really weird. I want to be able to walk in the sun every day and never have to wear a winter jacket again. I have a bunch of pictures and a lot of stories. Here's to hoping East Coast's spring comes soon or Christopher will find himself on the first plane back to California.

Oh, and 7 Generations is one of the absolute best hardcore bands today. They have a big following on the West Coast and Southwest, but hopefully they will pick up over here. Check them out and listen to their lyrics. That band plays hardcore that is rarely still around today - a rare breed of compassionate lyrics and great music. Instead of just talking about being vegan or straightedge or interested in ultimate liberation - it's a part of their lives and they truly believe in these ideas. It was really invigorating and energizing to see them in Santa Barbara. In a world that is so bleak and upside down and fucked up, anyone that can stand in front of handfuls of people and talk about women's rights, animal liberation, the human struggle against oppression, and rebellion against an unjust society deserves constant support.

The hardcore scene is an open forum that allows for these ideas to blossom and be talked about. It's liberating in and of itself to be in a room full of people who know what it means to abstain from alcohol and drugs, who understand what animal cruelty is and feel strongly about it, who support each other in their ideas, who allow the conversation of radical beliefs to be shared and explored. The days of hardcore being run by jocks and those who do not think for themselves or those who are not compassionate and caring or are concerned solely with material things are over. "By our hands, your empire will lay in ashes."

2008-03-03T20:08:00.000-08:00

Bruised
Edwina Trentham

Alone in the shadowed kitchen,
she peels at the peach, tearing
at its warm, rosy skin with eager
fingers, pushing deep to find

bruises, willing her thumb
to bury itself in that one
soft spot she knows is there,
so she can feel it - that cold

rush of relief - and revel in the lonely
delight of spoiling, in being
the first to sense the fruit
is turning, the first to toss it out.

2008-02-29T21:37:00.001-08:00

I moved back in with my parents for a multitude of reasons, namely trying to save money and not have to worry about making rent every month while being in school. It feels weird right now, but I'm hoping that it progressively gets comfortable and ends up being a good idea. I am lucky to have a family like I do.

Less than two weeks until I leave for California. I had all these grandiose plans to rent a car and ride around California; I would rather just lay on the beach every day without my cell phone anywhere near me and read.

Re-reading "A Heartbreaking Work..". Really 'gets me' (I hate that saying) every time, it's such a beautifully crafted novel. No other book that I've read, sans My Antonia, has given me the same feeling after finishing it.

2008-02-24T21:18:00.000-08:00

Truly, one of the very few hardcore bands that was really able to speak a language I could understand, presented life in way that was palatable and not completely fucking distorted, was able to solidify so many of my feelings of being seemingly lost and young, growing up in this wasteland , understanding there was something more than just the small town you grew up in, a bigger picture. Modern Life is War was able to say and exude everything that meant so much at times of utter nothingness. Their final tour is now approaching.

MLIW Final Tour Dates:
April 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th.

March
28 Milwaukee, WI
29 Madison, WI...Madison Fest W/ The Repos and many more
30 Chicago, IL @ Beat Kitchen W/ The First Step, No Risk No Reward and more
31 Detroit, MI @ Ritz

April
1 Bath, NY @ Murphy Lanes
2 Syracuse, NY @ Westcott CC
3 Philly, PA @ First Unitarian Church
4 Boston, MA @ ICC
5 New Haven, CT?
6 NYC @ Knitting Factory
7 New Jersey
8 Balitmore, MD
9 Richmond, VA
10 Jacksonville, FL
11 Orlando, FL
12 Atlanta, GA
13 Jackson, MS @ The Ink Spot Gallery
14 Memphis, TN
15 Louisville, KY
16 Indianapolis, IN
17 North Pekin, IL @ Planet X Rollerworld W/ Trash Talk, Desperation
18 St. Louis, MO @ Lemp Arts Center
19 Des Moines, IA
20 Cedar Falls, IA @ The Reverb W/ Grave Digging Shovels, Beat Strings
21 Waterloo, IA @ Amvets Post 19 W/ Brooks Strause
22 Iowa City, IA @ Picador W/ Brooks Strause
23 Sioux Falls, SD
24 Fargo, ND
25 Minneapolis, MN @ Triple Rock W/ Holding On
26 Marshalltown, Iowa @ Moose Lodge W/ Quick Fix, Desperation, Holding on, Old Scratch Revival Singers

2008-02-24T18:05:00.000-08:00

When everything is wrong, I'll come talk to you.
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue.
You are such a blessing and I won't be messing
with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness..

You're my best friend.
and I love you, and I love you.
Yes I do.

There is no other one who can take your place.
I feel happy inside when I see your face.
I hope you believe me,
'Cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you that I need you.

You're my best friend..
and I love you, and I love you.
Yes I do

I'm here right beside you,
I will never leave you.
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying.

You're my best friend.
and I love you, and I love you..
Yes I do.

2008-02-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

Miles of separation, and only a phone to let you know it's killing me to stay so far away..

2008-02-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

Our golden retriever named Mogwai, Envirokidz Peanut Butter Panda Puffs, weekly movie night, the beach, enormous library with wall-to-wall bookcases, your studio room with your paintings scattered all about, sailboats and anchors, two kayaks, bicycles, morning breakfast in bed, blueberry muffins and orange juice, waffles with peanut butter and bananas, nautical themed children rooms, taking turns reading two books every night to our children, reading to each other on the porch or couch or under the covers, constant and consistent traveling, vegetarian and vegan meals every single night, Albrecht Durer and apocalypse prints all over the house, your art through out the house, notes in each of our lunches, waiting for each other to come home, and most of all, the accepted fact that I will consistently be late to work every morning while you make it out the door with enough time to relax and actually make the bell.

Just what I was thinking for a few seconds.

2008-02-18T07:15:00.000-08:00

A dollar hollers louder than a living creature cries.
There's more for the meaning than merely meets the eye.
Corporations and industries destroying our rivers and streams;
it's the future of earth vs. cost efficiency.
Fuck your corporations and the destruction they create.
Poison the world we live in and put our lives at stake,
damn your power.
It's time to burn it down.
Consciousness strained by the money making american dream -
socially bred desires, irresponsibility
turned our unconscious to the negative flow.
This world's a pressure cooker ready to blow.
Discontent is building, the signs are very clear.
Revolution coming, extinction is the fear.
Damn your power, it's time to burn it down.
Conditioning of complacency,
rejection of reality.
This inhumane society..
time to finally break free.
We must burn it!

2008-02-15T06:43:00.000-08:00

"They have witnessed the law, both domestic and international, being spat upon by those who do not like its terms. Is it any wonder, then, that they feel justified, by sitting in and freedom riding, in breaking laws made by lawless men? [They are trying] .. to haul out an investigating committee to look into the disturbance to find the cause of the unrest among the youth. Look into a mirror! The cause is you, Mr. and Mrs. Yesterday, you with your forked tongues.

A young white today cannot help but recoil from the base deeds of his people. On every side, on every continent, he sees racial arrogance, savage brutality, toward the conquered and subjugated people, genocide; he sees the human cargo of the slave trade; he sees the systematic extermination of American Indians; he sees the civilized nations of Europe fighting in imperial depravity over the lands of other people - and over possession of the very people themselves. There seems to be no end to the ghastly deeds of which its people are guilty. GUILTY. The slaughter of the Jews by Germans, the dropping of atomic bombs on the Japanese people - these deeds weigh heavily upon the prostate souls and tumultuous conscience of the white youth. The white heroes, their hands dripping with blood, are dead."

- Eldridge Cleaver, "Soul on Ice"

2008-02-14T11:07:00.000-08:00

They told us that "Nothing gold can stay" and that nature cannot hold onto her first hue for longer than an hour. I believe they were wrong and that Mother Nature and Robert Frost need to rewrite and rethink their initial concept of what's possible and what's realistic. Defying reality and completely re-writing this poem ourselves, the golden hue can last for years and years, turning into eternity, ending in a triumphant and beautiful defeat of Mr. Frost's ideas. Dawn may go down to day, but there is always the next dawn to rise again. What if it was changed to "Sometimes, gold can stay"? Are you willing to play along?