It's been so long since I've felt like this. I can't even begin to articulate how elated I feel or how honest this is. I feel like a little boy again, not even thinking about the cautions that are awaiting with every new step or hiding in the shadows - just going. I guess I'm being careless, being reckless with my heart.. but what else is there to do? I'm looking forward to this and the future and what is awaiting Kayla and I.

Driving downtown tonight to get her some flowers at the farmer's market, I rolled my window down partially and the cool, crisp California winter air brushed through my hair and filled my car. The street lights and the stars and the giant moon and the water and all the people - I couldn't help but smile and think about how odd it truly is that I fell into this. Now I wouldn't expect it to go any other way. Being able to wake up next to her every morning, placing small kisses in discreet spots on her face, trying to keep each other warm, and slowly shifting positions with each other at night.. all these are things that I look forward to and cherish more and more every day.

No more skeletons in my closet, no more holding back. I feel good. One day, I'll be able to say all that I feel. For now, scribbles in the notebook that sits in my back pocket is enough. Making lists of things that make me think about you, lists of places I want to see with you, lists of dinners I want to make with you, newer heights that I want to see with you.. I guess those will do for now.

Los Angeles, her birthday, Thanksgiving in Santa Ynez, Christmas on the East Coast, New Years, Disneyland/my birthday, Valentine's Day, Greece, working at my tattoo shop, $2000 carriage..



In an infinite universe, it's odd that I'm here with you.