Couldn't be any more discouraged about having an awful semester at school.



And it's not even the second day of classes yet. Not where I want to be at all.

"It's America in a nutshell. We have compressed ourselves into this really condensed fear sphere. There are outposts of people who are really trying to change shit. If you seek, then you'll find them. You really have to be on your toes about finding it. That's the key: self-empowerment..

I don't want to sound like a fucking hippie, but it's all about dropping out of society. It really is. It's about retracting and stepping backward out of society, getting out of your credit card debt, getting out of your purgatory shit. When you do that, you can find yourself... When you create a local system of understanding and the system of barter or the system of sustainability, you don't need the outside forces. The problem is, unfortunately, everybody's "reality tunnels" are filled with fear, adolescent God fog, and filled with constructs that are no longer feasible. That's why we have such media. That's why we have so much information, most of it lies and distortion. That's the hold on the whole thing.

Cambodia, Chile, etc - or any of these countries that the CIA has infiltrated - what they do first is attack the intellectuals. They destroy or imprison these people on a global scale. Then, look at our country. They dumb down our fucking society to the point where fools are like, "Yo, look at that! The world's most eligible bachelor." You have to look at this shit realistically, and say, "Why is that?" Because they want a subservient society. Why is it that our prisons are the most populated in the world?

Don't you understand that's not by coincidence? That's by design. We know that but we don't say anything about it, and if we don't do it in our art, if we don't speak out, if we don't try to show it, we're complacent. We become apathetic and resigned. And that's where we're at.

I don't give a fuck about the art world, and I don't think you do either. Fuck Art Basil! And guess what? Fuck Soho. And guess what? Fuck the art world. We don't need them to validate us. We never needed them." - Doze Green, Juxtapoz Magazine, February 2008

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I've tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little Darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to get some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Salvador Allende.

Surely, this will be the last opportunity for me to address you. The Air Force has bombed the antennas of Radio Magallanes. My words do not have bitterness but disappointment. May they be a moral punishment for those who have betrayed their oath: soldiers of Chile, titular commanders in chief, Admiral Merino, who has designated himself Commander of the Navy, and Mr. Mendoza, the despicable general who only yesterday pledged his fidelity and loyalty to the Government, and who also has appointed himself Chief of the Carabineros [paramilitary police]. Given these facts, the only thing left for me is to say to workers: I am not going to resign!

Placed in a historic transition, I will pay for loyalty to the people with my life. And I say to them that I am certain that the seeds which we have planted in the good conscience of thousands and thousands of Chileans will not be shriveled forever. They have force and will be able to dominate us, but social processes can be arrested by neither crime nor force. History is ours, and people make history.

Workers of my country: I want to thank you for the loyalty that you always had, the confidence that you deposited in a man who was only an interpreter of great yearnings for justice, who gave his word that he would respect the Constitution and the law and did just that. At this definitive moment, the last moment when I can address you, I wish you to take advantage of the lesson: foreign capital, imperialism, together with the reaction, created the climate in which the Armed Forces broke their tradition, the tradition taught by General Schneider and reaffirmed by Commander Araya, victims of the same social sector who today are hoping, with foreign assistance, to re-conquer the power to continue defending their profits and their privileges.

I address you, above all, the modest woman of our land, the campesina who believed in us, the mother who knew our concern for children. I address professionals of Chile, patriotic professionals who continued working against the sedition that was supported by professional associations, classist associations that also defended the advantages of capitalist society.

I address the youth, those who sang and gave us their joy and their spirit of struggle. I address the man of Chile, the worker, the farmer, the intellectual, those who will be persecuted, because in our country fascism has been already present for many hours -- in terrorist attacks, blowing up the bridges, cutting the railroad tracks, destroying the oil and gas pipelines, in the face of the silence of those who had the obligation to act.

They were committed. History will judge them.

Surely, Radio Magallanes will be silenced, and the calm metal instrument of my voice will no longer reach you. It does not matter. You will continue hearing it. I will always be next to you. At least my memory will be that of a man of dignity who was loyal to his country.

The people must defend themselves, but they must not sacrifice themselves. The people must not let themselves be destroyed or riddled with bullets, but they cannot be humiliated either.

Workers of my country, I have faith in Chile and its destiny. Other men will overcome this dark and bitter moment when treason seeks to prevail. Keep in mind that, much sooner than later, great avenues will again be opened, through which will pass the free man, to construct a better society.

Long live Chile! Long live the people! Long live the workers!

These are my last words, and I am certain that my sacrifice will not be in vain, I am certain that, at the very least, it will be a moral lesson that will punish felony, cowardice, and treason.

This past weekend ruled for the most part. Seeing all of my friends and hanging out and getting bruises and cuts everywhere was awesome. Makes me miss actual good shows every single weekend.

We are the damned, the forsaken, the unloved,

"These mistakes I've made hold me back from the days I should spend with you. To be long term and long lasting, to overcome the lines and rules. There are days where I'm right where I'm supposed to be, but mostly I am far away. I'm learning to live the way I should, I'm learning to love the way you would."

"Get up on my level or get the fuck out" seems the most fitting.

My bed is never lonely now.

New Year plans so far:

January 2nd - Bitter End/Reign Supreme/Living Hell in Boston with John, Luc, and Kate.
January 8th - Uconn basketball game with my dad.
January 10th - With Honor/Bane in NYC, maybe.
January 11th - With Honor in Connecticut, maybe.
January 13th - Bane/Outbreak/With Honor in Haverhill.
January 20th - My birthday**, major festivities all over the state of Connecticut all day hopefully involving presents, It's Only Natural, tattoos, Mamoun's, and seeing all of my friends.

February 16th - Best show of 2008. Verse, Down to Nothing, Have Heart, St. Jude, Rampage, Meltdown, Soul Control, Shipwreck in Providence.

March 13th - Leaving for Santa Barbara, California.
March 20th - Supposedly my return date from California.



** In case you were thinking of getting me something to celebrate the birth of Christopher Clark and needed a few ideas, check it:

- H&M gift card
- $ $ $
- Border's gift card
- book of biblical art, no text
- the book of revelations
- Albrecht Durer apocalypse print in a frame
- Tattoo photographs/art work
- a nice dinner at It's Only Natural
- hard plastic iPod carrying case
- anything nautical themed
- handmade cards or handwritten letters
- Tom's Shoes, size 11
- our lady of guadalupe art
- day of the dead candles

January 1st, 2008 @ 12:36:42am.
Happy New Year.